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guilty as charged...

Updated: Dec 16, 2021

I'm a Farmer. I may to others appear to be "just" a "Hobby Farmer", I'm nonetheless

a Farmer. My days start early with the Sunrise, and they most often end late, many times well after the Sun sets. The bones in My body ache and some days they call to Me loudly to reconsider the path I have taken for most of My life. I do not believe, especially today, that it's My bones that will end this passion, it will be My Heart. Yes, some days I am so worn out, tired, even I know I have taken on too much. Obsessive? OCD? Hoarder? HA, maybe, it does not worry Me or concern Me enough to seek help. I will survive the physical damage, it's the damage to My tender Heart that takes the brunt from this life I have chosen. "It is your Circus" I've been told, how true that is, as joy and laughter is also a reward from this life. I find peace and comfort in the task of caring for the needs of My charges as well as the satisfaction and pleasure I experience from making My world and surroundings as pleasant and pleasing as I can manage.

So little time, so much to do. The mind set and the way My life is lived. One day and maybe soon it will be difficult to live this life, I know, the body does wear down. My Heart will say, one day, Stop doing this to yourself, I can no longer take the pain and heartache when the worst happens, and I have failed in my ability to manage my charges.

Today was one of those days that will chisel a huge chunk from My heart. This Day will not be the last, there will be more heartache, more obstacles, poor decisions, could of, should of moments and events to shrink the huge Heart I started with. I prayed this morning as I often do to be given more knowledge and the ability to recognize the failures before they happen, the falling short in my care that cost me a piece of that Heart. I mourned the little life that could have thrived if not for My failure to be aware of the signs that were clearly there. I am guilty of failing that little gift to My farm, My passion. I prayed to God to give Me the knowledge, the lesson to never be complacent in the care I give.

Each and every blessed day is another chance to make good to make better to ensure the future care is without shortcomings. I made this "Circus" I call a Farmers life, I thrive in it, I will make mistakes and I will learn and recover with just a slightly smaller Heart.

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